Anxiety, Agoraphobia & Me – Starting CBT Therapy.
“Start by doing what’s necessary, then do what’s possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible.” – Saint Francis
I have always wanted to write this post, but I have always just put it of! I never knew how I would start this and also how to be this vulnerable. With what has really been going on in my life. Sometimes it’s difficult to do this because you don’t really wanna over share. But you also want to help other people who might be in the same situation, that you have been in.
I always hear bloggers and youtubers talking about their anxiety, they never really talk about agoraphobia. So I thought I would explain a bit about my situation. It is also quite hard to let yourself remember traumatic times, so I won’t go to deep right now.
I will start of when I started to get anxiety. I have had it from as long as I can remember! Obviously everyone has anxiety, but I mean when it started to become a problem for me. I think it mainly started when I started my period properly, which I was very young! I was around like 9, so hormones at such a young age and a lot of other things! Just created a bad time.
So as I started secondary it got worse and I just hated school. My mum has always been such a huge support for me and she just never understood it! Until like year 9 when she took me out of school, it was just a bit much! So since then she tried getting me into therapy and I just wasn’t open to it! So I didn’t allow myself to try to get better and I refused.
When I was like 18 to 22 I went on antidepressants and I was kind of ok in that time, I went on holiday with my sister and friends even with anxiety but the antidepressants did help. I still had anxiety throughout that holiday. But just not as bad as it could have been, because I was on medication.
So around 22/23 I came of antidepressants for some reason?! I stopped smoking and just hit a real bad time! Then around January I wanted to be better so bad, so I tried getting myself better, I started slimming world and just tried a healthier lifestyle. Obviously I now know slimming world isn’t a healthier lifestyle lol! I was just so young and uneducated!
At this point I was forcing myself to walk by myself and go on buses and I finally got to a very happy place! (It should never be forced) I obviously was in a calmer place, so me pushing myself worked! Don’t push yourself to the point of panic. Listen to what you want, always!