It is going to be a long one people!
Today I thought I would touch on a very vulnerable topic.One that many of us suffer from but we tend to shy away from. I think this is due to the negative stigma that is attached to depression and mental health in general. I don’t want to speak for everyone but I feel as an African it is almost shameful and unattractive to accept depression.
Truth is many of us go through a lot of down periods and sometimes we just downplay it or even suffer in silence. Depression comes in many forms and it’s more than a feeling of ‘sadness’.
I always thought depression was when I felt sad, cried, and couldn’t get out of bed. Yet, there are times when I am out of bed. I clean, cook and go about my usual routine and still have these overwhelming feelings of emptiness, sadness, isolation, guilt and just blah. Blah. Do you know that feeling? It’s like ughhhhhhh.
But before I continue I wanted to share a little bit of my background and experiences with depression.
Picture this: A 20 years old ‘Christian’ pregnant out of wedlock with a pastor’s son. Many can relate to the seriousness of this situation. Starved of support and judged by many. I had no idea my experiences was going to have an impact on my mental health.
Six weeks after having my first child and with what felt like the world on my shoulders, I went back to University. Looking back now, I would’ve waited a year or two and then gone back.
However, I had an internalised pressure to be perfect and keep it all together. I didn’t want to feel like I failed or that I failed everyone.
I spent the next couple of years trying to secure a suitable home, keeping up with a toddler, uni with barely any income and desperately searching for a job.
I was living in a temporary accommodation with tiny hairy pest, yes mice and oh rats.
Life after university is challenging enough,