Cause you were just a small bump unborn for four months then torn from life
Maybe you were needed up there but we’re still unaware as why – Ed Sheeran.
Miscarriage. I don’t even know where to start with this. It’s fucking horrible and no one should ever have to experience the loss of a child.
Last year, I was unknowingly pregnant. Then I became unbelievably poorly out of nowhere. I lost all energy and came down with a very bad case of bronchitis, so bad I was almost hospitalised. At the time I worked in a Doctor’s surgery and I blamed it on me somehow picking something up from a patient that had come in. Until the bleeding started. Then the pain that followed. I could barely stand from the cramps and I was extremely anaemic. I lost all colour in my face and lips. Something clearly wasn’t right.
It took a while to realise what had happened because I wasn’t aware that I had even conceived. After multiple tests, dates worked out and a lot of pain, we discovered that I had in fact, lost a baby.
I feel the fact that I could have maybe done something to stop it happening made me feel even worse. If I’d have known, I’d have stopped smoking and drinking immediately. I’d have taken the stress load off my back at work and I’d have done everything that I did when I was pregnant with my boy. Of course, it’s likely that it wasn’t even my fault. I’d have been about nine weeks pregnant, and because usually, I was on the pill so the thought that I was pregnant wouldn’t have even occurred to me.
As you can imagine, it hit me like a truck. I was inconsolable. My partner was so supportive but I don’t feel he understood for a while as to why I felt so terrible. That tiny life inside of me was no longer there and even though I had no idea about it, I instantly fell in love the second I found out.